Betsy's Blog

“I’m tired of being blamed!” a teenager I knew complained, after being questioned by the police about an act of vandalism committed in his neighborhood.

As it turned out, this particular time the teen was not involved in the incident, but his notorious reputation about past transgressions led the police to his door. Without realizing it, the poor example he had set for younger neighborhood children looking up to him led them to follow in his footsteps. Such is the consequence of misdirected leadership!

You see, while we may not consider ourselves to be leaders, there is always someone watching our actions and perhaps being inspired by our example. Setting a positive one gives us the power to make the world a better place. We not only do this through our actions but through our written and verbal communication. Every time we speak or write something for others we have an opportunity to make a positive impact!

Thinking back upon the many beautiful cards I’ve received, some of my favorites were those from our children when they were young. Even today, remembering those hand made cards with their heart-felt sentiments puts a smile on my face. Retailers, eager to make a sale, encourage us to demonstrate our affection for those we love through giving impressive gifts. I have found, however, that the best gifts we give one another involve offering a bit of ourselves in the process.

Reminiscing about old times with family, enjoying a cup of coffee with a friend or taking a walk together, for instance, shows them that they matter to us. When face to face interaction is not possible, even a phone call, letter or e-mail reminds them they are important. I believe the popularity of social media indicates a desire for this personal connection.

Many speakers realize the value of sharing a part of themselves with their audiences. Some do this through humor, especially self-deprecating humor. A speaker who can laugh at himself or herself tends to put listeners at ease. Others relate to their audiences through telling personal anecdotes which illustrate the speech’s message. They may use accounts of how they handled a common situation or experience. These techniques have a way of making a speech both interesting and relevant to listeners.

Whether giving a prepared speech or in everyday communication, taking time to share ourselves with others is one of the most precious gifts we can bestow. Words are often forgotten and material items will pass away with the passage of time. The people who shared their lives with us and the way they made us feel occupy a treasured place in our memories.

Sometimes an unexpected change happens at a time when we most need it. I never would have imagined butterflies to be that change for me. Butterflies and an unusually mild winter in 2012 enabled the Red Admiral butterfly from Guatemala to migrate north much sooner. Their arrival brought back fond memories of my parents, who created decorative wooden butterflies in their shop at home and delighted in meeting people who came to buy them. Still feeling the sting of recently losing my mother just a few months before, I welcomed this change in nature as a gentle sign that they linger near in spirit.

Sometimes though, butterflies do not invoke such pleasant feelings. A friend shared a personal experience of being back in school and unable to give a report to her classmates. Paralyzed by the sensation of “butterflies in her stomach”, she stood in front of the class unable to move or speak. Many of us can relate to similar experiences that haunt us. Some people even spend years avoiding future situations in which they might encounter those types of butterflies. Eventually life may bring us to the point, however, where we must face that fear to move forward. For my friend that happened when she needed to make presentations as part of her job and sought help from Toastmasters International. With practice she developed skill in managing her nervousness, spoke with poise before groups, and eventually began her own business. Transformations such as hers often happen when we confront obstacles in our path along life’s journey.

The butterfly serves as a perfect example of transformation. Starting life with a very limited world to explore, the caterpillar retreats to a solitary life within the cocoon where it matures. With time, however, that formerly plain caterpillar unfolds and eventually soars with its beautiful new wings! I like to think that my parents experienced a similar transformation when they shed their earthly bodies and their souls passed from this life to another. In my dreams I sometimes envision them happily together again once more, observing life from a place far beyond our imagination, yet forever close to us in spirit.

No matter which season in life we find ourselves, we have a need to communicate. Infants communicate with their parents by crying when they are hungry, tired, wet or in pain. Parents sometimes can even distinguish the complaint by the type of cry.  As babies grow a little older, they add gestures, facial cues, and body language to their communication tools. For example when she was a baby one of our grandchildren rubbed her eyes when she was sleepy, smiled when we talked to her, and reached for things that interested her. Babies’ babbling evolves into first words, then sentences, and later progresses to putting those sentences together into complete thoughts.

Watching communication develop throughout childhood can be equally fascinating as children begin to enhance and clarify those thoughts through the use of descriptive adverbs, adjectives, and logical sentence structure. Maturation of these basic skills during the teen years and adulthood makes it possible to further expand one’s contribution to the world. Communicating ideas, sharing information, and telling stories are just a few of the ways we can do this.

In addition to mastering the spoken word, we continue to add gestures, body language and facial expressions throughout life to either emphasize or even replace some of our spoken words. Did you ever stop to think about how many things we communicate to one another without saying a single word? A look, a handshake, a rolling of the eyes, can speak volumes without a single sound being uttered.

Interestingly enough, when something happens to alter someone’s communication abilities, such as an accident or suffering a stroke, that person may return to the beginning stages of language development. Unable to speak or to find the right word, he or she might use sounds, gestures or even another word relating to the one being sought. And reminiscent of the way parents of infants instinctively know their babies’ needs, those closest to that person often know what their loved one is trying to say.